Note Passing in Iraq Study Hall

"Psssst, Leon, Leon, my man, Leeeee-ooonnnnn... pssssssst pass this to Alan. Oh, it's nothing. I just had a question about the assignment. I was a little confused about what we're supposed to do. Really? You know what it is? Was it in the book? How come you have it in your notes I don't have it in mine. Just a sec. Sandy! pssssst Sannnnn-deeeee... psssst pssst pssst. Over here... no me, Vernon. Hey, listen... did you have this stuff about nation-building in your notes? Was it in the book? No? See I didn't think so. I thought this was supposed to be about weapons of mass reduction. No, wait that's destruction. I can't read my own notes. No...See me, Alan and Chuck were talking during passing period and we were thinking that the assignment had something to do with how to win a war that you're losing, but then Larry Eaglebooger... No I know it's "burger," I just like saying Eaglebooger a lot. Anyway, Larry Eaglebooger said something about having to make a timeline for an excellent strategy... oh, exit strategy... well that makes more sense. Anyway, well we got all confused. And then we realized that we didn't know enough about the assignment to do much of anything. What do you think it's about?"
"Well Vern... you're looking really sharp as usual. Is that another custom-made suit? Gee it's swell. Well, anyway. I stayed after class on Tuesday and I asked Mr. Cheney if he could kind of explain the whole concept thingy to me. Well, by the time he got through, I was like totally spacin' but anyway, like, he goes that this Saddam guy was like totally trippin' on his people, but like nobody was gonna do anything about it, so like Mr. Cheney had this guy who used to go here named Colin who was student body like -- not president, but one of those officer guys. Yeah, like I think he used to be like Sergeant at Arms or something. What? I don't know. Like I think his family got transferred or something so now, like he doesn't go here anymore, and like that one girl -- um, Condi... yeah, she thinks she's really hot and like she's really conceited and all, but anyway like she gets all her clothes at TJMaxx. But anyway like this Colin guy, like he told all these other people at this mock United Nations thingy that he went to during like spring break, that this Saddam guy was gonna like steal their school mascots or plant bombs or something. Well, that part like totally doesn't matter 'cause like none of it was true anyway, but this Colin guy was just tryin' to get everybody else like mad at this Saddam guy. I think he's goes to like Middle East or something, like it's a total loser school. What? It is too. My brother knew a guy that like went there, and he said that all girls have to wear these funky uniforms and they don't have any sports teams at all. Okay... like dude, I'm tellin' ya... So anyway, Colin gets these other kids at mock UN all p.o'ed at Saddam. So like George told Mr. Cheney that he was going to beat up Saddam for planting this bomb at the school. And at first Mr. Cheney, was like, 'Gee, George I'm not sure it's such a good idea.' But then like George reminded like Mr. Cheney of all this other stuff that Saddam did. Well, um I heard that Saddam tried to like actually like kill George's old man. I don't know. That's just what I heard. Huh? No, that part's not true. See that was done by this other guy named Sammy Binhoffen or something like that. Noooooo, he didn't know this Saddam guy... duh-uh-uh.... no, after he did it. like he totally skipped out. Hasn't been seen since. Yeah. right. So anyway... if I can finish???? Mr. Cheney told George it was okay and that the kids at Saddam's school would think it was really cool, 'cause like he was all mean and stuff to all of them and like took their shoes, and lunch money and kept all the best parking spaces for himself. So anyway, George like, marches over there with a whole bunch of guys that he convinced should go with him and all. And like, now they're stuck over there and can't get back home. Well, Mr. Cheney told George they were gonna be like sooooo cool to him and give him all kinds of cool stuff. And that was how it was for a few days, but now it's like total warzone over there. The kids over there hate George and are so mad that they're like fighting each other and George. And like the guys who went with George are sooo confused that they wanna get out of there, but they're afraid that George won't like them if they bail so they're hanging around, but they want out. So like Mr. Cheney said we've gotta help George come up with a way to get back home without looking like he got his butt kicked by all these poor kids over at Middle East High."
"Geez Sandy, like I had no freakin' idea. I mean, me and Vernon were talkin' about it, but dude, this is some serious sh*t."
"Ed don't talk with your mouth full. I mean say it, don't spray it."
"Sorry dude. Missed lunch. Hey, there's that Condi girl. She's cute."
"Yeah, if you like that sort of thing."
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"
"She's just so stuck up. That's all. You know she spends every holiday at George's house."
"No way, George is dating that other girl, um, Laura."
"Phfffft. Yeah, Laura the librarian."
"Quiet, here comes old man Cheney."
"Good afternoon, Mr. Cheney."
"Sandra. Boys. Have any of you seen Mr. Baker?"
"Uh. like he went to the mimeograph room."
"Well, back to work you all. And Ed Meese, if I catch you again eating in here, it'll be detention for a month, young man.
"Yessir."
"So what are we gonna do? What do we say in our assignment?"
"Well, I think we should just say that George is doing a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really good job over at Middle East High, and that he should just keep doing what he is doing, 'cause like if he gives up then like that's not good and if he quits, that's like totally gnarly, and so like if he just keeps doing the same thing then he can say he was being consistent to like his ideals or stuff."
"Okay, like Sandy? Do you wanna write this down?"
"Like why do I have to do it all the time. I mean just 'cause I'm the only girl around here..."
"Oh geez..."
"Now what?"
"Like, dude, you hair is on fire!"